October 13, 2007

It's funny; how life goes on. You may feel at some point that you'll never get past the difficulty you're facing, but you do. Life goes on.
I was looking back on the past year or two; and felt overwhelmed with love. My dear friend who passed away this summer, Ms Babs, accompanied me on the piano at my graduation; I found her name next to mine in the program. I found a card my best friend had sent me; reminding me of all that we've shared together, and who we are in Christ. Just little things, but they play such big roles....and after reading, and remembering, I felt, as I said, so overwhelmed with love, for them and from them. And I realize that all this love would not be possible but for Christ-"We love, because He first loved us." More than words, my friends, more than words.
Sometimes I am so driven by 'one of these days', by the thought that 'someday I shall have my own house', and let myself get carried away, stressed out and just plain mean about things going on at home, mostly, that it's just not as clean, not as well furnished, and not as perfect as I'd like. Yes, some people don't clean up their own messes as they should always; and yes the sofa and armchairs are falling apart after nearly twenty years and seven+ kids; and yes, we can't open all the windows in the house on nice days like today because if we did they'd fall apart. But are all these things sufficient excuse for me to be short-tempered with almost every member in my family? I should say not. My parents have been replacing things on this old house for years now, they do what they can when they can. One of the pillars holding up the front porch was rotting away, it needed to be replaced, so we'll have to wait on the windows a bit longer. So what? The windows aren't going to collapse, hurt someone and cause damage to the house. They can wait. And I can be patient. "To every thing there is a season, and a perfect time under the sun."
I was so happy last fall; it wasn't difficult in the least to be loving, patient and interested in the doings of my family members. Love flowed through our house and poured out the cracks in our walls and our bad windows. It seemed the well springs of love dried up over the summer; but no more. I need to start spreading that love back around, making sure I'm getting it from the only True and Pure source; Jesus Christ.
And I've been just short of miserable this summer and fall; is it because I've been trying to haul up water from the dirty, slime-covered pond out back of our house? That water might be alright for the animals, but it's poison for the people I hold dear. It's time I stopped forcing it down their throats, and gave them the pure water of Christ.
It's time I stopped living for myself.